Burkas, Sandals and Video Tape

From Guy to Sky

GuyNews

 this week is a special one and as Tory Bear finished editing up his Lib Dem investigation, a call from our sister station came through.

Tune into Sky News at 7 to see TB discussing the electoral significance of Gordon's Chilcot appearance.

Radio Silence

Apologies for the silence today. TB has been busy splicing up footage shot yesterday when he went down to Brent to pay Sarah Teather's office a little visit. Look out for this week's Guy News. It's going to be a good one.

Caption Contest - Don't Mess With David Jack

Disgraced Lib Dem PPC David Jack is still Facebook friends with Nick Clegg... For how long though?

Really Bad Week for the Lib Dems

It was reported last night that yet another Lib Dem PPC has been forced to

stand down

after writing Liddle-esque rants online. Want to know what

David Jack

said?

From: davidjack@stokenorthlibdems.com
To: zafar_mir@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: disgrace
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 2010 22:24:23 +0000
Zaf, if i was you i would fuckm back off to the hills of tora borro, i have your home address, you are fucked sunshine, we shall see who has got balls now you two faced lying fucking paki,,,,, your cards fucked.... prison awaits you bum boy. Think your brave, you dont know the line you have crossed you fuck witt - keep looking over your shoulder theif!

Charming. Lib Dems spin that they are this pure, clean, whiter than whiter party of sanctimonious angels but this week the veneer is really beginning to slip. Firstly Sarah Teather's thieving, various other misdemeanours that TB will get round writing up, and now this. Incidently the PPC also wasn't the biggest fan of Nick Clegg. He told a

chatroom

:

“What a cock, tell CLeggy, nowt he can do, i dont answer to him, i am my own master unlike CCK puppets who cannot and do not know what happens to the debt when it is brought, havent read everything about rankine and are simply brainwashed knobheads.”

Idiot.

Labour's Private Polling Looking Bleak

Continuing with the Labour-couldn't-run-an-online-bun-shop theme, TB was most amused to have his attention pricked by one

Lee Skevington

. If anyone ever wondered what happened to Matilda's chocolate consuming classmate Bruce Bogtrotter, it would appear that he changed his name and has become the Labour PPC for the coalface town of Yeovil. When young Lee isn't out unscrewing the bolts on horsebox wheels it seems he is polling the good rural folk of Yeovil for how they will vote at the next election:

Thankfully it doesn't look like Mr Skevington will be heading the Westminster any time soon.

Separated at Birth?

UPDATE 09.39 - Thank you to all TB's sub editors in the comments.

Labour Isn't Working.html

Bless them, they are trying, but Labour just still cannot deliever online.

MyConservatives

has seriously rattled Labour HQ to the extent they seem to have rushed out their own version of it, where candidates can embed donate pages etc, without properly building or testing the widgets. Take top intellectual totty 

Rachel Reeves

, Labour candidate in Leeds West, for example. Her widget pictures aren't loading and her Labour logo is pixelated:

No doubt her intentions are noble but the whole thing just screams amateur hour.

Against the Odds - The Better Version

Yes it's over the top, yes your average Massachusetts resident will scorn, but yes this is awesome:




A two bottle lunch and TB is ready to man the barricades - the Fighters and Believers! 

The Internet Election

TB went along to the Delib/Henry Jackson/Messagespace debate last night about whether the internet or policy will win the day in May. One thing is very clear immediately. Rishi Saha from the Tories is far, far more realistic about the limits of the internet and how Obama used it to direct people back to old media, and raise money for TV ads. Kerry McCarthy was as deluded and idealistic as ever and failed to even grasp that Labour HQ don't really care about Back the Ban or Ed's Pledge, but that these are mere email harvesting tools. Rory Cellen-Jones, the BBC's techno correspondant, seems to have his head in the right place. Julie Mayer was a walking cliche. TB wasn't exactly sure what Bruce Anderson was on about.

Good news is that Kerry has decided to drop the sexist misogynist line about Tory Bear. Well she didn't use it to his face at least, surely she would say anything she would put online to his face... right? TB certainly did...

Cartoon from

Lazy Hyena

UPDATE: 15.40: Will Heaven has a pretty

comprehensive round up of affairs

.

The Saint II

It was once the long arm of Lord Rennard that reached for Sarah Teather, but it could well soon be the long arm of the law. Another day, and another damning revelation from

Poltical Scrapbook

about everyone's favourite "Expenses Saint":

• Brent Liberal Democrats not only share a taxpayer-funded office with Sarah Teather but also a telephone system.
• Accounts submitted to the Electoral Commission show that Brent Liberal Democrats have paid absolutely nothing in telephone bills.
• For the last four years that claims are available, the full amount for each BT invoice has been claimed back in expenses by Sarah Teather, even though the phone number is also listed as the main contact telephone number for Brent Liberal Democrats.

Most damning for Teather is the fact then when put into a Left Foot Forward style excel masterpiece, the phone data shows clear increases in use during Liberal Democrat election campaigns. So just what is taxpayer payer money being used on? Teather's parliamentary office or election of yet more leeching Lib Dem councillors? As ever PS has the full story.

It's a must read.

 

Quote of the Decade

The mighty

Hannan

has struck blogging gold:

Suppose that every day, ten men went to the pub, and drank exactly £100 worth of ale among them. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, the breakdown would be roughly as follows:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The seventh would pay £7.
The eighth would pay £12.
The ninth would pay £18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.
So, that’s what they decided to do.
The ten men drank contentedly together in the saloon bar until the landlord, meaning to be helpful, presented them with a dilemma.
“Gentlemen,” he said, “you’re my best customers. To show you how much I appreciate your trade, I’d like to give you a discount. From now on, I’ll knock £20 of the total bill for your drinks”. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80.
The group wanted to carry on splitting their bill in the way that we pay our taxes. So, obviously, the first four men, those least well off, would continue to enjoy free beer. What, though, of the other six? How could they divide the £20 discount in such a way that everyone got his fair share of the windfall?
They realised that £20 divided by six is £3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, following the principle of the tax system they had been using. This is how the bill now looked.
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100 per cent saving).
The sixth now paid £2 instead of £3 (33 per cent saving).
The seventh now paid £5 instead of £7 (28 per cent saving).
The eighth now paid £9 instead of £12 (25 per cent saving).
The ninth now paid £14 instead of £18 (22 per cent saving).
The tenth now paid £49 instead of £59 (16 per cent saving).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to enjoy free booze. But, as they left the pub, the men began to compare their savings.
“I only got a pound out of the £20 saving,” declared the sixth man. He jabbed an accusing finger at the tenth man,”Why should he get £10?”
“Too right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a pound too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”
“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get £10 back, when I got two measly quid? The system is rigged in favour of the toffs!”
“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. It’s always the worst off who get neglected by the politicians!”
The nine men dragged the tenth into the carpark and gave him a thorough kicking.
The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beer without him.
But when the bill came, they found that their money didn’t even cover half of it.

Enough said.

A Busy Evening

Just realised TB is set to come face to face with Kerry McCarthy tonight. Will he survive?

He will try cover live the Delib/Messagespace debate "Technology, not policy, will win Election 2010". Looks like a good panel:

Rishi Saha (Head of New Media, Conservative Party)
Kerry McCarthy MP (New Media Campaign Spokesperson, Labour Party)
Rory Cellan-Jones (BBC)
Julie Meyer (BBC Dragon’s Den & Internet Entrepreneur)
Bruce Anderson (The Independent)

He will then try make it along to the Launch of Big Brother Watch to hear David Davis and Tony Benn. Looks like it's set to be a busy evening.

Someone bring a video camera incase Kerry lays the smack down?

Fallen Saint Teather

It is a truth universally acknowledged that while Lib Dems pretend to be saints, whiter than white and above board, they are in fact dirty cheating leeches on the political process. Whether it be their by-election smears, expenses fancy footwork, believe that Vince Cable is actually a force to be reckoned with, or just the constant pushing of the "we matter" idea to voters who should really know better, TB is sick to the teeth of them. One of the more pious and irritating Liberal Democrat MPs has to be Sarah Teather so it was with great pleasure that TB read of her extremely dodgy office rent situation over at his favourite guilty  pleasure-read lefty gossip-monger 

Political Scrapbook

. Hold on isn't Sarah Teather, the

expenses "saint"

? Surely not...

Could the expenses "saint" please explain why she has been subletting her constituency office to the local Lib Dem's to use a campaign centre, despite very clear rules against this. Despite the fact that she claims to have a joint tenancy and thus everything is ok, perhaps Ms. Teather could please explain why the local Lib Dems paid absoulutly no rent on the building for five years?! The smoking gun is

here

.

John Lyon, the Parliamentary Standards commissioner has already said he will investigate this matter. Great scoop for PS, bad news for Teather.

Another Word for the List

Funny how Kerry McCarthy throws her toys out of the pram and grumbles when negative campaigning is used against her, yet she is so willing to push exactly the same tactics - such as mydavidcameron.com and use her official position of authority, and following built up as Labour's New Media Campaign Spokesman to push traffic to fake social media accounts set up to

attack

Tory Chairman Eric Pickles and that amongst other things suggest the Conservative policy toward children would quote fuck little bastards forever. Hardly clean campaigning from the mighty Twitter Tsar is it?

Now some might suggest TB should get a sense of humour about these things, or at least come to expect them from an increasingly corner and desperate Labour online machine, and he does but he would also like to highlight Ms. McCarthy's rank hypocrisy.

Guess it will have to be added to the list, perhaps between incompetent and

homophobic

.

Abandon Ship

Apologies for the lack of posting recently, TB has been either a hungover or busy bear. Will attempt to rectify this next week, but frankly his time and writing energy is being spent elsewhere. He is tempted to say writing nothing is better than regurgitating a press release however CCHQ put out some interesting factoids this morning. Seems Gordon can't even garner the support of a full government. Since the swath of resignations last June, there have been twelve vacant Parliamentary Private Secretary places available. What was once the desirable first step up the ministerial ladder has been rejected by MPs refusing to serve and toe the government line. The following cabinet members do not have PPS and are thus lacking support to efficiently do their job:

Lord Drayson, Minister of State for Science and Innovation
Dawn Primarolo, Minister of State for Children, Young People and Families
Vernon Coaker, Minister of State for Schools and Learners
Rosie Winterton, Minister of State for Local Government & Regional Economic Development
Bob Ainsworth, Secretary of State for Defence
Phil Hope, Minister of State for Care Services
David Hanson, Minister of State for Policing, Crime and Security
Douglas Alexander, Secretary of State for International Development
Vera Baird, Solicitor General
Liam Byrne, Chief Secretary to the Treasury
Stephen Timms, Financial Secretary
Angela Eagle, Minister of State for Pensions and the Ageing Society

If the government can't even find members of its own party to support it, why should anyone else? Brown is so toxic these ferrets won't even taint themselves by serving at the lowest rung of his administration.

This government shouldn't be allowed to limp on until May, someone needs to take it round the back of the sheds with a shotgun right now.

Gordon's Slush Fund

Seems The Smith Institute wasn't Gordon's only slush fund. This could be very, very interesting. Peter Watt has more explosive details in the Mail on Sunday again this week. Iain Dale has the

details

.

Quote of the Day

"I see Paul Staines/Guido is offering a characteristically po-faced and overblown take on all this. Remarkable how someone who runs what claims to be a satirical blog can be so humourless. No wonder so many people are reading Tory Bear instead."

-Telegraph hack

James Kirkup

responding to

Guido's

 reaction to Parliament Spy disappearing.

Well Having Your Lawyer in the Cabinet Helps

There has been widespread condemnation today when it

emerged

that a senior member of nutjob group Hizb ut-Tahrir is teaching, and preaching at LSE. Reza Pankhurst has provoked outrage from the anti-extremism 

Student Rights

group who said today:

“With the increased scrutiny on campuses following Umar Farouk Abdulmuttalab’s [Detroit bomber] terror attempt; we must call into question why a member of a group who have supported suicide bombings is allowed to teach to impressionable students.”

Quite.  The government apparently keeps Hizb ut-Tahrir “under continuous review” but having a your lawyer sitting in the Cabinet has clearly made life easier for Pankhurst. Despite his best efforts, Tooting MP and Transport Minister Sadiq Khan failed to stop Pankurst being imprisoned in Egypt for membership of the group back in 2002. Khan

described

the connection to the group as trivial.

Friends in high places eh?

TV's TB

TB did laugh when the makeup lady asked him if he wanted "airbrushing"