Quote of the Day

"But as I see the challenge ahead, I fear that my utmost will not be enough and I am not the best person to lead this party into the next election. Fairly or unfairly, the public have decided. If I am no longer an asset to my party in the battle to keep the Conservatives from power, then I know my duty is to stand aside and let someone else succeed. That is the greatest service I can offer. I hope I have been the right person to see the country through a crisis. But I fear I am no longer the best person to take Labour's good case to the electorate."

- Gordon's resignation speech as imagined by

Polly Toynbee

.

A bear can but dream.

Labour head to Brighton

Note to Gordon. Avoid the high tide. Not that it will do you much good.

TB wishes he could head down to Brighton to sniff out some stories but sadly it's not to be.

Hurrah for constituency weeks! It's been a long time coming; we have clawed our way through committee weeks, groped our way through group weeks, ploughed through plenary, but finally, finally we have made it, blood stained and dishevelled, to the promised land. All the MEPs have shoved off back home leaving the Parliament beatifically quiet, a bit like that grove I sometimes ride I Should Rococo through back home when I'm feeling contemplative, only with facebook and coffee. And with no MEPs about to stop us every five minutes to ask for the email address of some ex-prime minister or minor royal, or to find out everything there is to know about bleached coral, we assistants have finally been able to get on with our real business: that of running the EU. Five whole days of being able to highlight the pertinent info in a committee report in green and yellow (as required). Sometimes, this is as exciting as the European Parliament gets. This is one of those times, but I'm not complaining.

The nice thing about constituency week (apart from the fact that my ruler is once again lined up with the edge of my desk.. bliss), is that there's been a little more time in the day to catch up with the gossip back home. Of course Tory Bear is my first port of call for all my gossiping needs, but I have to admit, I'm a little confused by this Liam Byrne kerfuffle. You mean there are MPs out there who don't demand soup and that everyone laughs at their jokes? I may have to alert Jackie – sorry – Mrs Foster's office to this interesting new development. A mutiny may ensue.

Now I come to think of it, it seems to have been the week for odd goings on. Did Gordon Brown really win an award for World Statesman of the Year? Were Kissinger and Bono really present? Was he really hailed as a hero for stabilising the world economy, and showing compassionate leadership? Combined with the almost eerie quietness of Parliament (although the canteen is still heaving at lunchtime – why? Why? Who are these people?), reading this story rather made me feel a little strange in a detached sort of way, rather like that time Jenny brought back that cake from Amsterdam that smelled a little like Rococo's food supplements. I had suspected that I'd dreamt the whole sorry episode, but no mere nightmare could be that ghastly.

Nevermind, I spent much of Thursday afternoon introducing the Americans on the floor to the delights of Yes Minister and Spitting Image. It was a sort of cultural exchange: they've had me watching the Daily Show all week with that awful socialist Jon Stewart, so I got my own back with the Chicken Song. It served two wonderful purposes: a) cleared the eerie cobwebs of Brown's award which were still clinging to my mind, and b) totally baffled the Americans. What more could you ask of a comedy song on a rainy Thursday afternoon during constituency week?

Ed: Well quite.

The Foul Mouthed Daughter

You would think if your mother was gearing up to stand as the Leader of Welsh Labour when Rhoderi Morgan steps down at the upcoming Labour Conference, you would be a little bit more careful what you put on

your Twitter

:

Was it a family viewing of Question Time last night? TB is sure most of the cabinet would agree with young Estelle, but with a mouth like that, TB recommends Edwina Hart keeps her NUS/Labour Student hack daughter as far away from her campaign as possible.

Probably shouldn't write the speeches.

Tip of the hat to

Wales Online

. Enough people complained about TB's swearing in that last post. Neither were his words though!

Quote of the Day

"What the fuck is a floating duck house!?"

- An unknown Telegraph hack upon going through the reciepts for the first time.

Via

Niall Paterson

.

Good Morning Mr Byrne...

Here is your cappuccino sir...


TB trusts your papers were set out before you got in this morning?

Don't Call Ed Miliband a Chav

It is rare that TB gets a reply from the near daily abuse he can't help but send Ministers of this dying government via the uber-access tool Twitter. Hence the chuckle he afforded himself when he clearly

hit a nerve

with Miliband the Younger:

He's definitely not a chav alright? Got that? Good.

You can follow TB on Twitter

here

.

Calling out the BS

Was only a matter of time:

Sign it here.

And call for Gordon to go while you're at it.

BBC Delusion

A BBC political correspondent on News 24 was just talking about the arrest of Baroness Scotland's housekeeper. Discussing it in the context of "the story that won't go away" he said:

"Baroness Scotland was pretty much cleared by the UKBA"

WTF? Way to swallow the spin hook line and sinker. What a lightweight. Pretty much cleared?? As in fined £5000 for breaking the law and becoming a laughing stock of the entire Bar and Whitehall, forcing resignations and and media storm?

Wouldn't like to see what the BBC would consider "being found guilty" looks like.

Let The Games Begin

TB

called this

one earlier:
He imagines

Loloahi's story

will go something along the lines of..

"I showed her everything, if she had looked properly she would have seen my visa had expired but she didn't bother to ask."

Something tells TB there will be a new AG on Monday morning.

Time For Your Espresso Mr Byrne...

TB hopes your staff made sure to

tell you everything in 60 seconds

today Liam?

Time For Your Soup Mr Byrne...

Just to remind you

what a twat

he is.

UPDATE: Caption Contest - Gehen Sie Viertens!

A

nswers in the comments, book for the winner.

UPDATE: This seems to have gone under the radar a bit yesterday. TB is back later, last chance to win a the copy of "

Fleeced!

" by David Craig and Matthew Elliot.

You're not Ron?

TB isn't exactly sure what they are smoking is happening in this deeply surreal video. It's no Afternoon Delight, but it's the closest that Channel Four News will ever get to an Anchorman moment:


It will be a squirrel that can water-ski next.

Reservoir Dorks

While the rest of the party briefed against each other and generally squabbled, it seems Liberal Youth Chairman Elaine Bagshaw came up with some distinctly illiberal ways to maintain discipline within the youth ranks. TB's yella' fella' reported back that there were "tensions" within the organisation after this err oh so liberal soundbite:



TB was also whispered some highly amusing details of how Elaine kept her minions under thumb. The executive were given a whole host of rules, which she had apparently written down, telling them how they may or may not use Twitter and Facebook. She also banned the executive from using cameras during the "LY School Disco" (shudder) on Tuesday night. TB isn't exactly surprised by the last one, do you remember the last Liberal Youth kodak moment?

To put it mildly, the Liberal Youth membership aren't happy, though it is clear a bit of stick has been put about - normally lucid sources are being distinctly guarded since they got back. Something has happened and TB is curious. Either way Bagshaw is attempting to spin the trip to the seaside as a big success, when anyone outside of the bubble can clearly see Bournemouth '09 was a massive disaster for the Liberal Democrats in general. It's not as if they set the bar for LY success very high though is it:

The official

twitter feed

is spouting the success of LY media appearances, but TB will save his analysis of that for another day. Especially the blatant hypocritical opportunism of one in particular...

Eh

Shappers

?

Disinfecting Parliament

The

Sunlight Centre

's Juliet Samuel launched "Disinfecting Parliament" - a report about reforming MPs expenses on Monday. She writes in

The Tel

egraph

:

With the coming release of MPs 2008-09 expenses set to re-ignite public rage, Parliament is praying to a former chief bureaucrat for salvation. Sir Christopher Kelly and the committee he chairs, the Committee on Standards in Public Life, have spent the summer trawling through reams of oral and written evidence to try and come up with a new expenses scheme that will keep MPs on the straight and narrow. The Committee has been charged with re-jigging the expenses rules to lift Parliament out of the doldrums and, in Kelly's words , to go about restoring trust in public office holders.

But is Sir Christopher really the knight in shining armour that shame-faced MPs await? Can he possibly deliver on the grandiose aim of restoring trust in public office, in MPsin democracy, no less!

Unfortunately, there are reasons to think he wont.

Disinfecting Parliament is a shadow of the Kelly report that is expected out within the next month. With an introduction by

Douglas Carswell MP

, it sets out some simple yet radical reforms of the Commons that will end abuses of MPs expenses forever.

As TB well knows after many a proofing, it's definitely worth a

read

.

New Faces

The

CF website

is introducing it's new executive members. Starting with Michelle Donelan...

"My passion for politics was ignited when I was 6 years old by Thatcher – yes it may seem odd – but being different from such a young age strengthened my conviction and belief in individualism and preserving the freedoms of the individual – which for me is at the core of conservatism and at the heart of our current platform.

I joined the party at 13 and two years later established a CF branch for Warrington South, North and Weaver Vale – which I chaired for a 1½ years. At 15 I also addressed conference in the main hall – beating Hague’s record."

Read the whole thing

here

.

Shock! Ounce of integrity left in government...

Well not any more because he has quit, but it did come as a surprise that a member of this Labour government actually showed some spine:

Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A 2AA
23 September 2009

Dear Gordon

It is with considerable personal regret that I find myself writing to inform you of my decision to resign my positions as PPS to several ministers, principally the Solicitor General.

My decision comes about because as an aide to the Law Officers, whilst I have great personal regard for the Attorney General, I cannot support the decision which allows her to remain in office.

In my view the facts of the case do not matter. It is the principle which counts, particularly at a time when the publics' trust of Whitehall is uncertain to say the least. We have to be seen to be accountable. In addition, could I just mention matters of policy where I believe leadership is vital.

On the constitution: We must legislate to offer a referendum on how we elect Members of the House of Commons. We must finish off reform of the House of Lords. Generally, I would urge you to move as quickly as possible to withdraw from Afghanistan and to signal a change in our position over Trident replacement.
Finally, on the economy, the Government is to be congratulated upon its clear-sighted and effective response to the downturn. You have my continued support in your resistance to David Cameron's myopic and siren calls for an "Age of Austerity".

My constituents benefit greatly from using our much-improved public services and they would not wish to see these jeopardised nor have our continued economic recovery put in doubt.

With best wishes

Yours sincerely

Stephen Hesford MP

It trails off toward sycophantic whining at the end but the first three paragraphs are killer. Well well well, are there more of these curious and rare noble beasts lurking on the government benches?

Maybe they should all start resigning in the run up to conference...

Quote of the Day

Nice to see that Iain Martin had bigger plans when he politely declined a drunken offer to co-edit Tory Bear not long ago. His new

Wall Street Journal blog

is a must read and this morning gives us a snapshot of a day that can't come soon enough:

Anyway, there will be much sniggering on this side of the Atlantic at the PM’s elevation. He must try to close his ears to the inevitable cruel jibes, for the honour is a glimpse of his future in America if he loses the forthcoming general election. I predict that his friends, such as Paul Krugman, will secure him a grand academic post covering questions of government (brackets, Saving the World) and he will spend more and more time in the comforting embrace of the U.S. liberal establishment and ever less time in Britain. Sarah Brown will launch a transatlantic PR/charitable enterprise. They will buy a house in Cape Cod. Both will say what a relief it is to be out of the Number 10 bunker.

Still, that doesn’t stop this award being quite funny.

Whenever you're ready Gordon.

Come here often?

Those Lobby rumours never really went away.