Caption Contest - Labourlist Own Goal Edition

Alex Smith editor of

Labourlist

doesn't exactly look "down with the kids":

Captions below, normal rules apply. 

How Low Will The Gordian Go?

Two fascinating insights into the mindset of Gordon Brown and the desperation at the heart of his government have appeared this evening. Firstly, TB isn't too sure about the background - he suspects they are lefties, but The Guardian is giving some well deserved exposure to the campaign group who have managed to get the Department for International Development to cough that the money Gordon promised at the top of his voice in Copenhagen as definitely not previously pledged was errr... Previously pledged:

Brown said:
"The British government recognises that finance to tackle climate change cannot simply be part of official development assistance. Assistance for climate change should not be allowed to divert money from the pledges we have already made to the poorest."

A bare faced

lie

.

So The Guardian had one good hit on Brown today, already preparing for the Labour Party bunfight coming after the election some hacks are willing to bash Brown and are forming new camps. The Guardian is in a real pickle, they would loath to back Cameron or Clegg but can't exactly throw their full support behind Gordon without contradicting what ninety percent of their hacks deep down think and have written - that Gordon is atrocious and should have been got rid of last year. Many at The Guardian knew what was going on in that plot, and many more backed it. It is as much The Guardian's failure that Brown is still here and has been allowed his torched earth ending as it is the Milibands of this world. It is a real shame to see on the same browse of their website, a Guardian hack still doing the dirty work of the bunker. Are you attacking him or backing him? A decision has to be made soon because sooner or later The Guardian has to stop taking and printing the vile filth, lies and spin that come out of the bunker.

Nick Watt normally has a good eye for the lay of the land, but he seems to have been given one hell of a briefing from the Brown bunker with

this one

:

Gordon Brown believes the Conservatives are endangering the Northern Ireland peace process by adopting a pro-unionist stance in breach of the bipartisan approach which dates back nearly 20 years.

As the prime minister flew to Belfast tonight with his Irish counterpart, Brian Cowen, to try to rescue the power-sharing executive, senior British government sources expressed deep unease at the Tories' approach.

Brown is attempting to broker a deal between Sinn Féin and the Democratic Unionist party to devolve policing and criminal justice powers to Northern Ireland. He has told aides of his astonishment after the Tories convened talks among unionists at an English country estate.

TB is astonished. Firstly with all this talks of "English country estates" you would think some sort of Peel/Wellington/Emancipation battle was going on. What the hell sort of line is that?

Gordon is deliberatly trying to score party political points by stirring up trouble. Now TB knows that sectarian politics is relished in the inner workings of the Scottish Labour Party, but when you are representing the United Kingdom as its leader, you do not stir up a delicate balance of power with references to an English enemy to score cheap shots at your rival. And frankly the piece is a shoddy copy and paste of a one sourced smear.

So on with hand The Guardian are bashing Brown and with the they are doing his desperate dirty work.

What's it going to be?

Tory Bear Vs. Recess Monkey

TB had the pleasure of going up against his old cercopithecoid buddy Alex Hilton PPC and editor of 

Recess Monkey

on Sky News on Friday. He just remembered that he had recorded it. Wasn't his finest performance and both the bear and monkey both seem pretty grumpy. But don't worry they love each other really.

TB reckons it was a no score draw... thoughts?

Cartoon - Debating the Debates

Someone at Telegraph Towers Should be Slapped

A great spot by our baby faced Caledonian-Greek friend

Mr Eugenides

:

Might want to get some new online picture editors chaps.

New T-Shirt of the Week

Inspired by a commenter on TB's epic Sally Bercow post, he thought it was about time the t-shirts were updated. TB intends to transfer all the mercendise section over to a UK company when he has the time in order to save the five bucks shipping. Watch this space.

In the meantime the new t-shirt is yours from

here

.

The Tale of Sir Robin MP

Jonathan Isaby is on fine form over at ConservativeHome. He has drawn up the ChickenWatch

list

of all those MPs who are choosing to stand down rather than face a target seat battle against a Tory. All together now:

Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away away.

When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.

Bravely taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!

Good to see Jonathan and Tim really taking the attack to the enemy and highlighting these sort of embarassing facts. More please!

Balls Cooks Up the Numbers

Those who have worked close to bullying Ed Balls say his only saving grace is his sharp intellect. It seems his maths could do with

some work though

:

Doesn't look like fifty activists to TB, making up the figures again Ed?

Mrs Bercow has Become a Problem

Why has anyone heard of an irrelevant Labour Party council candidate? Would there be this much interest in following her slightly off the wall diatribes against the Conservative Party? Would anyone care that she hates the Tory party she was once a member of? Probably not. Would anyone have heard of Sally Bercow if she wasn’t married to one of the most important, and neutral men in Westminster? No.

Let’s get a couple of things straight first up. Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion, regardless of whether their spouse agrees or not, however when they use taxpayer’s money that they have no right to claim in order to push these political views then there is a problem. TB did not want John Bercow to become the Speaker, and although he thinks it is a shame he does not respect his elevated position enough to respect its heritage and tradition, he has however been better than expected at holding the reins of Parliament. He is still falling far short of the desired levels of expectation of the Speaker. One growing weak point is his attention seeking and media-whoring partner.

The mysterious Mrs Bercow has been spun as the soft influence on her husband’s former head-banging days, but questions still remain unanswered about this fabrication. How does this line wash when Sally was an active member of the Conservatives at Oxford? Also someone should ask her where she used to eat on a Monday night. She has been reborn as a Labour Party activist and is actively seeking a career in politics, TB doesn’t care what she says about the Conservatives it’s how she is saying it that is triggering alarm bells.

The public and parliament were rightly shocked and outraged by the appalling behaviour of Mary Martin who claimed thousands of pounds for taxis and flights on the taxpayer’s expense. Money she would not have had the access to were her husband not the Speaker. Mrs Martin abused her husband’s position for personal engrandisment, all be it financial. Mrs Bercow is just as guilty of abusing her husband’s position for her own personal gain – be it politically.

Sally Bercow is using her husband’s position to ingratiate herself with the upper echelons of the Labour Party. By becoming part of their attack unit online – welcomed by Kerry McCarthy, Harriet Harman, other MPs, and of course the delectable Ellie Gellard and other attack puppies, Sally Bercow is not only humiliating her husband with her crass obnoxious disrespect for Parliament, but she is also using his publically funded position to aid her own political career. So the money isn’t quite in Mary Martin leagues, but there is no doubt she is abusing her husband’s position for her own gain.

A minor detail that could potentially become significant is Mrs Bercow tweets from the web, she also lives in the Speaker’s taxpayer funded suite, her twitter site has an image of the palace she lives in at the taxpayer’s expense and TB will be verifying first thing Monday morning what he is sure to be true – she using a taxpayer funded internet connection that she would not have access to were she not married to the neutral Bercow to attack her Majesty’s Opposition, for free. A minor sum,but a important point.

No one would care two cents about what Mrs Bercow wanted to say to lay into the Tories and the right-wing press were it not for her husband’s position. Lots of people use their spouse’s career to benefit their own, and frankly TB wouldn’t care what Sally Bercow did or said if it wasn’t the most significant neutral position in the country at jeopardy and if taxpayer’s money and the integrity of Parliament wasn’t at stake. No one would know who she was and give her political career media coverage, if it was not for her husband. She claims that all views expressed are her own etc and that she cannot be judged by the fact that her husband is (barely) a Tory, but the fact is she is piggy-backing on the back of her husband’s job to aid her own career up the Labour Party ladder – a completely unacceptable abuse of Parliament.

Bercow has is own spinner, and he should make sure that this abuse of his position is reigned in before it turns into a major embarrassment and headache for his already wobbly Speakership.TB doesn't care what Sally Bercow is saying, but how and why she is. He would also love to watch the left kick off if she was coming out with anti-Labour sentiments while married to a Tory.

UPDATE: Sally Bercow got in touch within minutes of this post going up - clearly more of a fan of tory blogs than she lets on. She refuted only what was already made clear was a minor point regarding the web, she claims she has her own mobile internet connection. Hard to prove either way, but the principle TB put forward, in the rest of the post still stands. TB suspected this would be the lightening rod that would distract from the rest of the post, hence the framing of it as minor. She made no attempt to deny she was abusing her husbands position to further her political career.

Burkas, Sandals and Video Tape

From Guy to Sky

GuyNews

 this week is a special one and as Tory Bear finished editing up his Lib Dem investigation, a call from our sister station came through.

Tune into Sky News at 7 to see TB discussing the electoral significance of Gordon's Chilcot appearance.

Radio Silence

Apologies for the silence today. TB has been busy splicing up footage shot yesterday when he went down to Brent to pay Sarah Teather's office a little visit. Look out for this week's Guy News. It's going to be a good one.

Caption Contest - Don't Mess With David Jack

Disgraced Lib Dem PPC David Jack is still Facebook friends with Nick Clegg... For how long though?

Really Bad Week for the Lib Dems

It was reported last night that yet another Lib Dem PPC has been forced to

stand down

after writing Liddle-esque rants online. Want to know what

David Jack

said?

From: davidjack@stokenorthlibdems.com
To: zafar_mir@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: disgrace
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 2010 22:24:23 +0000
Zaf, if i was you i would fuckm back off to the hills of tora borro, i have your home address, you are fucked sunshine, we shall see who has got balls now you two faced lying fucking paki,,,,, your cards fucked.... prison awaits you bum boy. Think your brave, you dont know the line you have crossed you fuck witt - keep looking over your shoulder theif!

Charming. Lib Dems spin that they are this pure, clean, whiter than whiter party of sanctimonious angels but this week the veneer is really beginning to slip. Firstly Sarah Teather's thieving, various other misdemeanours that TB will get round writing up, and now this. Incidently the PPC also wasn't the biggest fan of Nick Clegg. He told a

chatroom

:

“What a cock, tell CLeggy, nowt he can do, i dont answer to him, i am my own master unlike CCK puppets who cannot and do not know what happens to the debt when it is brought, havent read everything about rankine and are simply brainwashed knobheads.”

Idiot.

Labour's Private Polling Looking Bleak

Continuing with the Labour-couldn't-run-an-online-bun-shop theme, TB was most amused to have his attention pricked by one

Lee Skevington

. If anyone ever wondered what happened to Matilda's chocolate consuming classmate Bruce Bogtrotter, it would appear that he changed his name and has become the Labour PPC for the coalface town of Yeovil. When young Lee isn't out unscrewing the bolts on horsebox wheels it seems he is polling the good rural folk of Yeovil for how they will vote at the next election:

Thankfully it doesn't look like Mr Skevington will be heading the Westminster any time soon.

Separated at Birth?

UPDATE 09.39 - Thank you to all TB's sub editors in the comments.

Labour Isn't Working.html

Bless them, they are trying, but Labour just still cannot deliever online.

MyConservatives

has seriously rattled Labour HQ to the extent they seem to have rushed out their own version of it, where candidates can embed donate pages etc, without properly building or testing the widgets. Take top intellectual totty 

Rachel Reeves

, Labour candidate in Leeds West, for example. Her widget pictures aren't loading and her Labour logo is pixelated:

No doubt her intentions are noble but the whole thing just screams amateur hour.

Against the Odds - The Better Version

Yes it's over the top, yes your average Massachusetts resident will scorn, but yes this is awesome:




A two bottle lunch and TB is ready to man the barricades - the Fighters and Believers! 

The Internet Election

TB went along to the Delib/Henry Jackson/Messagespace debate last night about whether the internet or policy will win the day in May. One thing is very clear immediately. Rishi Saha from the Tories is far, far more realistic about the limits of the internet and how Obama used it to direct people back to old media, and raise money for TV ads. Kerry McCarthy was as deluded and idealistic as ever and failed to even grasp that Labour HQ don't really care about Back the Ban or Ed's Pledge, but that these are mere email harvesting tools. Rory Cellen-Jones, the BBC's techno correspondant, seems to have his head in the right place. Julie Mayer was a walking cliche. TB wasn't exactly sure what Bruce Anderson was on about.

Good news is that Kerry has decided to drop the sexist misogynist line about Tory Bear. Well she didn't use it to his face at least, surely she would say anything she would put online to his face... right? TB certainly did...

Cartoon from

Lazy Hyena

UPDATE: 15.40: Will Heaven has a pretty

comprehensive round up of affairs

.

The Saint II

It was once the long arm of Lord Rennard that reached for Sarah Teather, but it could well soon be the long arm of the law. Another day, and another damning revelation from

Poltical Scrapbook

about everyone's favourite "Expenses Saint":

• Brent Liberal Democrats not only share a taxpayer-funded office with Sarah Teather but also a telephone system.
• Accounts submitted to the Electoral Commission show that Brent Liberal Democrats have paid absolutely nothing in telephone bills.
• For the last four years that claims are available, the full amount for each BT invoice has been claimed back in expenses by Sarah Teather, even though the phone number is also listed as the main contact telephone number for Brent Liberal Democrats.

Most damning for Teather is the fact then when put into a Left Foot Forward style excel masterpiece, the phone data shows clear increases in use during Liberal Democrat election campaigns. So just what is taxpayer payer money being used on? Teather's parliamentary office or election of yet more leeching Lib Dem councillors? As ever PS has the full story.

It's a must read.