Comments on Tory Bear - right-wing political gossip: Caesar Brownus

Like us, Christ endured taxation even before he wa...

2009-12-12T13:02:13.010Z

Like us, Christ endured taxation even before he was born. And arbitrary demands from government to run around at their beck and call for no obvious reason.

Joseph: "Why do I have to trek down to Bethlehem at Christmas!?"

Official: "To reduce global warming in the Nazareth area, you climate-change denier."

Joseph: "And my wife is pregnant!"

Official: "Augustus has announced that maternity units and qualified midwives at Bethlehem hospital will be readily available to visiting nobodies... hang on, that should read 'travelling voters'. So on your bike."

Joseph: "Bikes haven't been invented yet."

Official: "On your camel, then. If it's good enough for these three kings going to see Orient, it should be good enough for you."

Joseph: "Can't I just drive down the motorway and stay at the premier inn?"

Official: "I've warned you already about your attitude problem on climate change. Don't push your luck. And good luck with the online booking system for the inn. I hear they have been overbooking again."

Joseph: "Do you realise what this nonsense is going to cost me?!"

Official: "More than you think, actually. Did I mention that Augustus has just placed a climate-change levy on all camel journeys. And very fair it is too. Unless you're going to deny that yours breaks wind?"

Joseph: "OK, OK. Will I need a passport? Bethlehem's in the Roman area, isn't it?"

Official: "Actually no, but you will need an ID card. That will be 89 pounds of gold."

Joseph: "But I only get paid in shekels!"

Official: "How sad. Herod has been quantitatively easing the shekel, and an ounce of gold now costs 1200 shekels. Pay up!"

Actually, the equation with Augustus is not very c...

2009-12-11T20:02:32.177Z

Actually, the equation with Augustus is not very convincing. After all, Augustus was essentially a mafia boss who managed to off all his major rivals, as well as an awful lot of his minor rivals, including a guy called Anthony .... oh, hang on

There were audible, barely supressed giggles from ...

2009-12-10T23:52:44.495Z

There were audible, barely supressed giggles from the Tory staffers present. There was even a snort, although the jury is still out on whether or not that was just one of the peers grabbing a bit of shut eye before the next big carol...

Like us, Christ endured taxation. To such a world ...

2009-12-10T23:41:10.314Z

Like us, Christ endured taxation. To such a world of misery he came that we could join him in the next, where those two famous certainties of this life will be no more. This is the meaning of Christmas.

That's brilliant. I hang my head in shame, bei...

2009-12-10T21:03:42.318Z

That's brilliant. I hang my head in shame, being an unenlightened heathen I could never have spotted the opportunity.

We did attribute to Gordon Brown a quote from Carry On Cleo in today's blog though.

"Infamy, infamy. They've all got it in for me."