HHC

I saw a man on a scooter rolling down the corridor yesterday. What a stroke of genius! Why didn't I think of that? Apparently Westminster has eight miles of corridors (I read recently – I know not why). I actually have no idea how the European Parliament matches up, but it can't be far off. There are many downsides to this – not least the dawning horror when you realise you've left your pass on your desk at lunchtime (the cafeteria is guarded with zeal matched only by our infamously harsh year 11 prefects at school) – but this week I once again had the 'pleasure' of showing a visitors group around the Parliament, and naturally its rather grandiose size leads people to expect a long tour. “This is the Hemicycle.” I said. “They never really use this, because most of the plenaries happen in Strasbourg, but you can take a look... Oh, they seem to be using it today. Only MEPs are allowed in... although I see my colleague is there at the back, taking notes.” “Is there anything else to see?” asked one of the visitors “erm..., well mainly it's offices, if I'm honest.” “Right. Well where can we get some coffee then?” Clearly a visitor with his priorities in order.

At the end of a stressful week (one of those in which by Tuesday you're asking with genuine incredulity: 'how can it not be almost the weekend already?), a rather hectic Friday. But we still managed to find a slot in which to goad the Federalists – surely a mandatory pass-time on the day Ireland votes? First out of the gates were the pro-Europeans, with a lovely little rant against The Sun. Apparently Trevor Kavanagh sounds like Gerry Adams circa 1974 and Labour haven't lost it. Of course Team Hannan weren't having any of that, pointing out the sheer cheek of telling the Irish that they'd got it wrong the first time around and would have to have a second go. Cue a lovely little rant from an Irish EPPer, with the particuarly choice paragraph “The Irish will vote again because the Irish government preserve the right to put any question they see fit to the people. We are not being told to vote again, we are voting again because it is in our best interests. If the people decide to vote No then the people must be full sure that this is what they want.” So you see, it's not that the Irish actually meant to turn down Lisbon, they just didn't realise what they were doing, so the nice government have given them a second chance to rectify that mistake. Good old Irish government.

Incidentally, if they vote No again will this turn into a yearly event? We could start having anti-federalisation parties, with fancy dress and lots of Guinness.

I'm afraid my hellish journey on Southern Rail has taken it out of me rather, and Rococo is champing for a nice long gallop across the downs. So you'll have to excuse me until next week – must take time for a soothing hot chocolate before braving the best of the British weather. See you at Conference!

Ready for Change

TB is off out tonight to interview errr JLS on the back of their two Mobo Awards. Blogging will be light, but in the mean time he thought he would leave you, via

ConHome

, with what is seemingly going to be the theme of next week's conference:

243 days to go.

Was it worth the round trip?

The times they are a'changing...

TB never thought the day would come when IPPR, New Labour's favourite think tank, would be ingratiating themselves so obviously with the Conservatives. Clearly more switched on than the Labour Party grassroots, IPPR are playing footsie with Conservative Future:

"To open up the debate, ippr and Conservative Future are asking party activists for their ideas and opinions on how politics needs to change and the big issues facing the party and country. We will put your views directly to the politicians at our events. We feel this is particularly important in a climate where political trust has been badly battered. So we need to bring people into the heart of the debate. In this instance that means party members and others, not just the people who usually attend conference or the people on our panel. We want to include your views directly in the discussion."

There is more info

here

.

Joking apart there are some fairly interesting questions asked in their survey

here

.

You spend six months...

...looking for a decent cartoonist and then you end up with two:

This one from

Lazy Hyena

, a new anarco-feminist lady-blogger.

Busted!

TB was wondering when

this

would surface. As for the picture... well, enough said.

Who said TB was never on message!

Sorry Chums!

The error messages on the new

myconservatives.com

are genius:

Rumours swirling that Pickles has

joined Twitter

. Sky says it's fake, plugged in tories more confident...

UPDATE 12.39: Nothing like the

dulcit tones

of TV's Shane Greer on a Friday afternoon.

Prescott Goes Fourth

And on and on and on. TB didn't make it to the end of this video:



It's just a din.

Just in case you missed it...

Lad.

Another One Bites the Dust

It seems to be a recurring theme of the week, over promoted Labour drones being given a bloody good kicking on television. First it was Miliband Jnr and last night Ben Bradshaw took a thumping from not only Dimbleby and Starkey on the panel, but from the audience as well. Just a little fact check Ben, you probably should have got one of your minions to show you

this poll

before you quoted Wednesday's figures as proof the Sun had no effect:

Bradshaw went on to claim he was a child during the Polanski scandal, he was 17. Despite being Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport he displayed an utter ignorance of cinema that was a "bit before his time."

Would be funny if these idiots weren't actually in charge.

No

The Irish have a chance today to stop the EU from becoming the political equivalent of John Leslie.

No meant no the first time. Best of luck to the No campaign today.

Blaney's Blarney Order

Congratulations to TB's comrade at arms Donal Blaney tonight for dragging the law kicking and screaming into the 21st century. The nation's media is reporting how, along with the help of one Matthew Richardson, Blaney has become the first person in the world to serve an injunction via Twitter. More important though are the implications that this ruling will have for anonymous copyrighted attacks:





Donal has

just blogged

: "Today is a great day for the overwhelming majority of well-meaning, decent people who use the internet and a bad day for bullies. It is, as I have said in the media, the day the scales of justice were tipped back in favour of innocent victims. I am proud that my firm, Griffin Law, has set precedent and made law today.

Now let's see which left-wing blogger is behind this: I am sure the same names spring to your minds as spring to mind..."

One to watch...

UPDATED: Who is this TB guy anyway?

The suits went to the cleaners this morning, the mane is getting a trim, hotel booked etc. Hundreds of little blue teddies are ready to invade Manchester. TB is surprisingly organised for conference this year. He even upgraded the karaoke venue this afternoon enabling space for another thirty or so... Got your ticket yet?

TB is seemingly going to be a busy little bear next week. Through the wonders of

Fringelist

you can see what events he is rocking up to and involved in

here

. You can also see exactly what is going on across the fringe and create your own profile, and more importantly - blackberry/iphone accessible schedule.

Some highlights though:

Sunday:

Conservative Future Conference

with training by

YBF

- TB will be there most of the afternoon and evening. Was great last year and set to be even better this time round. TB will be speaking for half an hour or so about bloggery type things.

Monday:

From 10am till 1pm TB will be debating toryness on the

Victoria Derbyshire Show

on Radio 5. Be sure to tune in if you're not in Manchester.

Lots going on in the evening from the

Pub Quiz

to the

CF curry night

followed of course by TB's Karaoke. This will be taking place in the Studio Club below Chicago Rock, 23 St Peters Street - opposite the main conference venue. It kicks off at 11pm and will go till the small hours. Lots of special guests lined up... Get your ticket here for a fiver, or a tenner on the door.

Tuesday:

Bright and early TB will be on a panel debating the role of the BBC in the new media age. This is happening at 10.15 in the

Freedom Zone

. Full details

here

.

At 2pm he will also be at the Sunlight Centre's

Disinfecting Parliament Debate

and then hopefully getting a long overdue drink with

Dizzy

.

Wednesday:

Before the Party for Change TB and

@Timforchange

will be hosting a Tweet Up and bloggers chinwag in VIP room of the Party for Change. More details

here

. Will be good to put some faces to names and skip the queues before the main event.

No doubt he will be loitering around other events and propping up the bar in the Midland. You can't miss him, he's about a foot and a half tall and covered in blue fur.

myconservatives.com

Telegraph

have been given the first glimpse:

"

MyConservatives.com

, which goes live at 10am, will build on the lessons the Party has learnt from websites such as My.BarackObama.com, by allowing individual users to organise “microcampaigns” and set specific fund-raising targets for online donations. It will also let people telephone canvass from home as well as organise and sell tickets for events online."

Game on.

Last Orders for Labour

TB has eyes and ears everywhere. As if Stephen Twigg throwing some shapes on the dance floor at the Labour Students "Disco" last night wasn't funny enough, the scene at the Grand Hotel Bar will make you chuckle. First there was the singing around the piano:

Then TB's sources told of the heartbreaking scene at 5am, when the bar finally closed. Drunk hacks began banging on the tables, stamping their feet, wine soaked voices in unison shouting...

"Four more years, four more years, four more years."

Eduction Eduction Eduction!

A new low for Labour in their latest

Party Political Broadcast

:

3/10, see me.

Cheers for the anonymous tip-off.

UPDATE: #CPC #cpc09

If you hate Twitter look away now.

As Labour's swan song in Brighton draws to a close attention inevitably shifts toward the Tories. People have tentatively begun tweeting with a different combination of hash tags for Dave's rave in Manchester. Hash tags should be obvious and short - Conservative Party Conference?

#CPC

anyone?

UPDATE 23:45: Apologies for the continued techiness, however, after much discussion with the Tory twitterati a compromise of #cpc09 has been drawn. CPC was getting confused with the Conservative Party of Canada, apparently. TB didn't know what all the fuss was aboot.

Having been an absolute loser for the last hour he is now going to finish the video he has been trying to work on all day. All sorts of things have cropped up though.

Watch this space.

News in Blue Briefs

This has to be TB's fav News in Briefs in a while:

The honour of welcoming the Conservatives in from the cold, in a pair of blue lacy knickers, was bestowed to Keeley, 22, from Bromley who said:

"David Cameron is the man. Looking at his background, he needs to prove he's in touch with hard-working Britons. However this is his time. Everyone will expect him to make things better. He can't possibly do this instantly as he will inherit huge, long-term, deep rooted problems. WE need to allow him time to implement fresh ideas and polices that will get the country off its knees."

Smirk.

Clone Wars

Tickets are selling nicely so take advantage of the £5 price tag while you can. You'll also have an opportunity to get your hands on one of these little fellas:

Only at TB's events though.

Harman Smears Osborne

It seems that

Paul Waugh

did a double take too when listening to Harriet Harman's sexist rantings this lunchtime. As TB

said at the time

, it seems Ms. Harman has been attending evening classes at the Damian McBride School of Political Studies. Paul goes into

more detail

:

Contrasting Labour's record on equalities and feminism with that of the Tories, she said that David Cameron would extend foxhunting rights to everyone, while George Osborne would replace a SureStart in every community with "a lapdancing club in every community".

I immediately thought this was odd. Why single out Osborne and lapdancing? There is no Shadow Treasury policy on the issue, as far as I am aware. Could this have been a sly reference to something about Osborne's private life? After all the News of the World had snaps of him in his youth next to a prostitute - snaps that were referred to in the "smeargate" affair.

Anyway, I've just been told by sources close to Harman that no smear was intended. It was simply meant to be a jokey reference to lapdancing club tickets distributed during last year's Tory conference in Birmingham.

Yeah right.